5, 6, 7, 8 -
Choreography for a Successful Life
- Cher Holton, Ph.D.
–
Until I
became involved in ballroom dancing, I always believed that counting started
with “1, 2, 3, 4...” Now I realize that everything begins with
“5, 6, 7, 8!” Enter any dance studio, and you are sure to hear some
coach or instructor starting a routine by calling out, “5, 6, 7, 8”
in time with the beat of the music. This ensures that everyone begins on the
same beat, to the same rhythm.
It seems like only yesterday that my
husband, Bil, and I enrolled in our first dance lesson. (Yes, he spells his
name with one “L.” I will clarify that now, so you don’t read
the entire chapter thinking I misspelled my own husband’s name! I could
explain why…but that’s another story in another magazine!)
Risk taking is nothing new for us. Bil and
I share a philosophy of stretching our limits by taking periodic “Indiana
Jones Vacations,” doing something we have never experienced before. Bil
is usually the initiator of these exciting events. As a result of his unique,
risk-taking attitude, we have white-water rafted a class five river;
fire-walked across burning coals in bare feet; parasailed over the blue waters
of the Bermuda beaches; and sky-dived from a breathtaking 10,500 feet! Each
experience truly challenged my capabilities and stretched my envelope to the
bursting point! But with every adventure I gained an increased level of self
esteem and an incredible boost in my ability to handle fear. With every new
challenge, we would look at each other, grin and say: “Here’s our
next adventure! It’s okay to be afraid. Let’s do it anyway!”
And off we’d go!
I finally looked at Bil one day and said,
“Okay, it’s my turn to choose our next Indiana Jones adventure! I
choose ballroom dancing!”
I have to give Bil credit. He wasn’t
thrilled, but remembering how I’d done all the events he’d dragged
me to, he willingly (if a little hesitantly) agreed. That’s how we ended
up, in our late forties, in a Fred Astaire Dance Studio, taking our first lessons
in ballroom dancing. Never ones to take any endeavor lightly, we jumped right
in, and before we knew it we were addicted.
As Bil and I have become immersed in the
world of ballroom dancing, we have discovered a multitude of lessons which are
immediately transferable to life. Just as good choreography makes a dance flow
with the music, so a well-choreographed life flows with a rhythm of inner peace
and joy. Here are a few secrets I have transferred from the ballroom to my
life. I invite you to slip into your dance shoes, walk into Life’s
ballroom and build a few of these ideas into your own choreography for a
successful life!
Every new element in a dance can be
overwhelming at first. It is scary to try something different, knowing you will
probably be unsuccessful and may even look funny in front of other people. But
the only way to learn a dance is to get out on the floor and do it. Skilled
coaches and instructors know how to teach a dance one element at a time. Then
they are able to build on those elements, connecting them into a beautiful
routine set to music. But you have to learn the basics!
One of the very basic elements in both the
waltz and foxtrot is the progressive twinkle. It serves as a link for a
multitude of other steps. While it is actually a very basic step, professional
dancers (and competitive amateurs like us) spend hours practicing its
execution. Why? Because if you get the twinkle right, the next move comes much
easier.
I have found that the same concept holds
true in life. So often we overlook the basics, in our quest for something
beyond. The first-time author skips the local cable talk shows and tries to get
on Oprah. A new member of a professional organization runs for the Board
without taking time to work into the association first. A couple jumps into a
serious relationship before they have gotten to know and understand each other.
Then people wonder why things don’t work out for them.
We’ve noticed in dance that, whenever
we have trouble with a particular element in a routine, the key is to look at
what came right before the problem area. It is uncanny how often the issue lies
in the prior movement rather than the segment we have identified. Try doing the
same thing with a problem you are facing. Whatever the issue is, look at the
elements leading up to it – what happened before. You will probably
discover the source of the problem – which is also the source of the
solution. Typically we have overlooked something basic, or rushed through it in
our effort to get to the “important stuff.” Go back and focus on
the basics. Believe me, when you get the twinkle right, everything else falls
into place!
One of the toughest things we have had to
do in our dance lessons is to dance each other’s parts. In ballroom
dancing, the man and the woman have distinctly different roles to play in the
partnership, and each has a certain choreography to learn and execute properly.
Since each of us has our own part to play, why on earth would we dance each other’s
parts? The answer is simple: to gain a better understanding of what the
other person needs in order to execute the move effectively.
This is
similar to the old saying that you should walk a mile in the other
person’s shoes. By dancing their part, you get a feel for what the lead
should be, what throws your partner off balance, and how much time is needed
before moving to the next element. Nothing speeds up the learning curve faster
than going through it yourself! One of my favorite quotes comes from Bil:
“Understanding without experience is the booby prize!”
In life, your best results come when you
truly understand, from an experiential point of view, what the other person is
going through. I remember a specific example from one of my teambuilding
workshops. This particular session was being held at the client’s
workplace, and everyone had brought their own chairs into the board room for
the session. One of the activities had people moving all around, in different
places for different parts of the exercise. At one point, one of the managers
exclaimed, “Yuk! Who’s chair is this? It is the most uncomfortable
chair I have ever sat in!” His administrative assistant jumped up from
her spot in the room and said, “That’s what I’ve been trying
to tell you for the past few months! I need a new chair!” The manager
apologized to her, in front of the whole group, and committed to order her
chair before he left the office that day! There’s nothing like
“dancing your partner’s part” to create a common
understanding of the situation!
The image of Gene Kelly, wearing a colorful
jacket and singing ‘Gotta Dance’ captures the essence of addicted
dancers around the world – people who must dance at all costs, regardless
of the price they pay with sprained ankles, pulled muscles, beleaguered knees
and hours of time in rehearsals.
As an example of the unbelievable desire to
dance at all costs, you might recall the vision of Gene Kelly in his famous
rain scene from Singin’ in the Rain. A little-known fact: when that scene was shot, Gene was
wearing a heavy wool suit, he was soaked to the skin, and he was suffering from
a high fever and serious cold. But you’d never know it from his signature
smile and fancy footwork.
Once you
adopt the ‘Gotta Dance’ attitude, you forge ahead toward your
goals, regardless of the challenges, tight deadlines and monumental perceived
roadblocks. ‘Gotta Dance’ means a total commitment to your goals,
and with that kind of attitude, you will experience not only success, but outrageous
joy as well. Although success means different things to different people, the
common theme among happily successful people is a ‘Gotta Dance’
philosophy. The bottom line: If you aren’t finding joy in what you are
doing, you are paying too high a price. Find something that generates a ‘Gotta Dance’
spirit in everything you do!
There is an amazing phenomena that occurs
in a dance competition. I call it “Competition Brain Crash!” The
symptom is when you suddenly forget something you have practiced to perfection.
Every day, in the studio, you can demonstrate the movements and routines
without error; once you are on the dance floor in a competition, your mind goes
absolutely blank – similar to the screen when your computer crashes! But
there is another phenomenon that is even more amazing. It’s called muscle
memory, and is sort of like a reboot on your computer. Your body takes over,
and performs the routine on its own.
The interesting thing about muscle memory
is that it takes a lot of practice to achieve it. There are no shortcuts! You
must be willing to put in the time to build the memory. One of our coaches,
Cher Rutherford, is a former U.S. champion in American Style Open Smooth and
Rhythm, former U.S. champion Theatrical Style and current adjudicator. When
asked by the students she coaches what her secret was, she replied: “I
was the first person into the studio and the last person out. I couldn’t
find a substitution for rehearsal. There is none.”
What powerful advice for success in life.
What are the skills you need to achieve your dreams? Are you willing to pay the
price to make them come true? When things get risky, and the world appears to
have gone bonkers, will your muscle memory keep you going?
I’ve experience muscle memory many
times at showcases and competitions.—and I have also experienced it in
life. For example, when a client challenges me, my muscle memory allows me to
articulate an intelligent response, even though my mind is writing a
“fight back” script. When someone I love hurts me, my muscle memory
can practice forgiveness so our relationship can prosper. I love the quote from
Buddy Hackett: “I don’t hold grudges. While I’m holding a
grudge, they’re out dancing!” As you face challenges in life, you
may hear that old inner tape shouting “You can’t do this! You are
going to fail!” That’s when you have to trust your muscle memory,
and do it anyway!
One of the most exciting dance moves is the
Grand Jetè, when a dancer – in full flight – leaps into a
full air-borne split. The dancer appears to fly above the floor, in an
expression of exuberant joy and excitement. It looks so easy when it is done by
a professional, but we learned through experience that looks can be deceiving!
In reality, the Grand Jetè requires immense effort, flexibility and
control, along with split second timing.
The Grand Jetè is used in dance
choreography to emphasize a high point in the music – a climax of emotion
and joy. There are moments in our life that require a similar kind of
celebration. Too often we take our successes for granted. I find with my
corporate clients that, when things go wrong, they spend an inordinate amount
of time assessing blame, beating themselves up and analyzing what to do next.
But when things go right, what happens? Nothing. Zip. Nada. They plod along to
the next challenge, with no assessment or recognition of what went right.
We need to take time to celebrate our
accomplishments and reinforce our successes. Lifestyle Jetès are leaps
for joy on the stage of life, celebrations of spirit over matter. They are
visible demonstrations of our ability to rise above the routineness and the
challenges of life.
I encourage you to reward successes by
having Grand Jetè celebrations. Include others in your celebration. Be
bold with what you do. Go for the gusto! Celebrations will imprint the success
into your soul’s code, giving you positive reinforcement for what you do
well. So stretch out, then leap for joy as you orchestrate your own Grand
Jetès to acknowledge the successes of your life.
These are just a few of the many lessons I
have transferred from the ballroom to my life. You may never don the costume
and step onto a ballroom floor, but you can benefit from the lessons that the
sport of dancing teaches. One of the best gifts that dancing brings to me is a
reawakening of my inner spirit. I have reconnected with the real me, the
authentic me, the “me” that I can honor and accept,
unconditionally. I learned to compare myself with me, not hold myself up
against the unrealistic yardstick of a professional dancer. I agree with
Mikhail Baryshnikov, who said, “I don’t try to dance better than
anyone else, only better than myself.” And this philosophy has
transferred to all other areas of my life.
My creative spirit has blossomed as a
result of stretching my physical being, and my spiritual life has reached new
heights. I truly agree with Ecclesiastics 3:1,4:
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time
to mourn
And a time to dance.
There is a Sufi saying: God respects us
when we work, but He loves us when we dance! I encourage you to do something to
uplift your spirit. It may be dance, it may be something else – but do
something that stretches you and pushes your envelope, places you in new
experiences where you meet yourself in ways you have never imagined. Then look
for the life lessons you can learn to choreograph your own unique life dance.
5, 6, 7, 8 – let your dance begin!
Life’s Dance
Life stretches
before me like a giant dance floor.
I step out, never
knowing what music I will hear.
Some days
I’m able to flow through life,
gently
rising and falling in a spectacular waltz.
Other days are
more like a swing,
where
I’m triple-stepping to stay in tune –
changing
direction, whirling this way and that.
The joy of
Life’s Gigantic Ballroom is
the
partnership of the dance –
For I know
I’m not out there alone.
In my partner I
have a chemistry that transcends
the
steps of the dance.
Together we can
move in the same direction,
changing
rhythms with the music,
matching
steps and keeping time
And even stepping
“outside the lines” to improvise
and
stretch ourselves.
When we turn apart
to perform some intricate
pattern
on our own
We are secure in
knowing that we will always return
to
the safe haven of a solid dance position.
Sure, we may miss
some steps here and there –
and
occasionally land on each other’s toes –
But if we never
made mistakes, we’d never learn
to
perform the dance.
And through the
missteps we learn the art of recovery…
of
helping each other move gently back into the
rhythm
of Life…
Never looking down
– always with a smile.
And even with my
partner, there are times we find
we
are expected to do a dance we’ve not yet learned.
That’s when
we discover that out there on Life’s dance floor
there
are teachers who will show us the patterns,
demonstrate
the flowing movement, and provide
a
strong lead –
If only we can
learn how to follow.
They gently guide
us through the unknown
and
give the gift of new skills – then quietly move away
So we can joyfully
navigate the patterns when we meet this
dance
again.
As I enter
Life’s Ballroom and greet my partner,
May
I listen for the music –
And whether
it’s a waltz or a rumba, a cha-cha or a swing,
a
tango or a fox-trot – or some dance I’ve yet to learn –
May I listen for
the rhythm and adjust my movements,
And may I always
be in touch with my Cosmic Teachers
who
will guide me.
May I learn when
to lead and when to follow
so
I will always be flowing in time with the music
And dancing
through Life with joy.
(Cher Holton)
Cher Holton, Ph.D., an Impact
Consultant of Choice, is committed to guiding and inspiring people to live at
the speed of choice, one choice at a time. Known for her unique interactive
Keynotes, Turbo-Training™ and Retreat Forward™ Summits, Cher serves
a diverse clientele, including corporate, government and healthcare organizations.
Cher is one of a handful of professionals world-wide who has earned both the Certified
Speaking Professional and the
Certified Management Consultant
designations. Cher can be reached at 800-336-3940, by email: cher@holtonconsulting.com
or through her website: www.holtonconsulting.com